


Magic and Mischief

by AirgiodSLV



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-01
Updated: 2005-11-01
Packaged: 2019-07-20 13:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16138157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AirgiodSLV/pseuds/AirgiodSLV
Summary: The night was dark, the moon was full, and Eliza Wood, Dominique Monaghan, and Wilhemina Boyd were celebrating their first Halloween together as novice witches. They weren’t actually witches, of course, but Dominique had just gotten over her first great love (a Doc Marten-wearing law student from Auckland), and was subsequently eschewing peasant skirts and granola in favour of pursuing the arcane. Eliza and Billie, being the good friends that they were (and secretly glad to see the last of the law student), were supporting her choice by attending Dom’s first ‘sacred ritual.’





	Magic and Mischief

**Author's Note:**

> For [](https://almostnever.livejournal.com/profile)[almostnever](https://almostnever.livejournal.com/)’s Halloween Fic Challenge, and possibly the most tongue-in-cheek thing I have ever written. Please consider yourselves warned. Thanks to Brenna for editing.
> 
> Genderqueer.

The night was dark, the moon was full, and Eliza Wood, Dominique Monaghan, and Wilhemina Boyd were celebrating their first Halloween together as novice witches. They weren’t actually witches, of course, but Dominique had just gotten over her first great love (a Doc Marten-wearing law student from Auckland), and was subsequently eschewing peasant skirts and granola in favour of pursuing the arcane. Eliza and Billie, being the good friends that they were (and secretly glad to see the last of the law student), were supporting her choice by attending Dom’s first ‘sacred ritual.’

“Is this going to take long?” Billie asked mildly, chewing on one end of a dirty-blonde braid. “I have to call Sean.” Billie was still of the opinion that she was straight, in spite of Dom and Eliza’s attempts to convince her of the evils of men, and was therefore the only one of them with a boyfriend.

“We have to do it right at midnight,” Dom informed her seriously. “The book says.”

Bille sighed, but didn’t protest further. Eliza watched with interest as Dom added bits of things to their communal cauldron. Well, cauldron was too strong a word, really, but the cast-iron pot nicked from Eliza’s mother’s kitchen had been the best that any of them could do on such short notice.

“I still wish we could do something more interesting,” Eliza said wistfully. “If we’re going to be witches, shouldn’t we at least get to fly on broomsticks or something?”

“American historians are now speculating that ‘flying on broomsticks’ was really a slang term,” Bille supplied helpfully. “They think that early colonial ‘witches’ were actually spinsters who applied hallucinogenic mushroom paste to the handles of their brooms and then used them as sexual aids.”

Eliza blinked at her with a degree of horrified fascination. Dom scowled. “We are not just _witches_ ,” she emphasized meaningfully. “Wicca is a recognized earth religion celebrating the glory of nature and the strength of womankind as a sisterhood. We’re not doing anything with mushrooms or broomsticks.”

Eliza sighed disappointedly. Billie shrugged unrepentantly. Dom ignored them both.

“We’re restoring the balance to our inner selves,” she insisted stubbornly, hoping that she was remembering the quote correctly. “Cleansing our spirits at the beginning of the dark time between the years.”

Billie was eyeing her phone again, so Dom hastily sped through adding the last of the ingredients and flourished her athame (her father’s hunting knife, but it did have a white handle) with an expression of wild-eyed triumph.

“Chant with me,” she commanded, deciding that it was close enough to midnight, as the coven was clearly losing interest and it was a bit chilly outside, as well.

The coven obligingly read from the short script that Dom had painstakingly prepared, copied from chapter seven (Rituals for Health and Healing) word-for-word, and then Dom crowed loudly “Goddess of the Moon, Restorer of Balance, cleanse our spirits and remake us as we should be!”

Billie started to comment on the unwise wording of this particular spell, but bit her tongue in order to finish off the obligatory “As we will it, so mote it be” in chorus with Eliza, so that Dom could throw the final sachet of herbs into the pot.

There was a puff of smoke.

There was a flash of light.

Someone started screaming.

“Dominique Monaghan, ye daft bint,” Billie shrieked, reverting to her native accent as she did when she was very upset, “ye’ve turned us into boys!”

Dom was frozen in horror, staring down at her lack of beautiful plump breasts and the sudden squishy addition to her anatomy. “I…” she stammered, and then joined in the wailing. “I didn’t think anything would actually happen!” There had been nothing in the book about this, she was certain. She would have seen it.

Eliza, who seemed to be taking the change mostly in stride, asked curiously, “Does this mean that I have to go back to liking boys?”

“No!” Dom yelled somewhat wildly. “No one is doing anything! I am changing us back!”

“And how exactly do ye plan on doin’ that?” Billie asked in a low, threatening voice that did not bode well for the new squishy addition to Dom’s anatomy. “I thought ye said it could only be done at midnight.”

“Wait, I’m still confused,” Eliza interrupted, smoothing her hands down her suddenly-flat chest. “Am I still gay? Or am I straight now?”

Dom buried her face in her hands, considering having a bit of a cry, but was quickly dissuaded from this plan of inaction by Billie’s menacing glare. “If ye don’ turn me back into a girl right the fook now,” Billie grated, “I am never speaking to ye again.”

Eliza had her pants open, and was starting to feel around curiously. “Is this normal size, do you think?” she asked hopefully. “I don’t want to be an inadequately endowed boy.”

Dom decided that having a good cry might not be such a bad idea after all. She was, in fact, just about set upon this plan of action when Billie let out another ear-piercing wail.

“Oh my god,” she cried. “What am I going to tell Sean?”


End file.
